the beginning of the end.

today was my last day, aside from vacations, at the shelter until next summer. i anticipated that i would be a little sad, and i was right. upon getting there, the other volunteers were instantly in need of assistance with walking our 15 or so dogs in the kennel. i’ve never seen a selection of such beautiful dogs at the shelter before. and i’m still amazed at the way each and every one of them greets me like i’m a long awaited, long time friend. the love these animals offer can never be matched, that is something my experience in lowell has really taught me. whether or not animals become a part of my occupation, they will always remain a part of me. i can not envision myself leading a happy, fulfilling life without dedicating at least some of my time to these precious, needy animals.

after my two hours were up i met mom outside with a puppy husky i was walking-georgia- to bring a cake that i baked to the fellow staff members as a farewell gift. my efforts were more than appreciated and one of the staff members even rallied all the others to take a picture with me in front of the baked confection. and yes, it was in the shape of a cat. i was also able to give my mom a tour of the shelter and familiarize her with some of the animals that i talk about regularly. she really came to acknowledge why it is that i have made this place my second home during the summer. a day is never complete if i haven’t visited the shelter and made an animal’s day- little do they know how rewarding they make mine. anyway, its great knowing that my presence is acknowledged, and my efforts appreciated. chris, my volunteer coordinator who i emailed a few days prior letting her know this would be my last visit, said i was a ‘major asset to the team.’ she explained how sorry she was to see me go and even said she would write me a letter of reference if the time ever called for it. this makes me all the more eager to return.

this was all followed by a ‘mothers’ dinner’ my four friends and i had in the works since the beginning of the summer. before we all left for our freshmen year at college, we arranged to have the five of us- along with our moms- meet at a restaurant for dinner. they enjoyed themselves so much that some of my friends were eager to plan another day this summer, now that our first year is complete, to repeat the process. it was a struggle getting everyone to find time and commit to a certain date and place. the connection the five of us now share doesn’t exactly resemble that which we did last year. however, the fact that we all extended the effort and found ourselves at that table tonight- despite our individual differences and quarrels- says a lot. one being that mom and i refuse to let one broken relationship, and the pain it has caused us, inhibit me from enjoying myself in a larger social context. rather than carrying with us any anger and resentment into the restaurant, mom and i approached everyone with a smile and sought to make this a night of reminiscing and reconnecting. we’ve simply endured enough hardship to end on bad terms with these women.

so, I’ve come to realize that even if things haven’t been without complication, and even if what you pictured would be an ideal summer gave way to a redefining of relationships, its for the best to end things on a positive note. granted, it was harder saying bye to the shelter than it was for me to part ways, again, with some of these girls i once considered to be my closest friends. but, given that things are the way they are, and i have no means or intention of changing them,  i am given no choice but to extend my kindness regardless. given the way i am feeling now, i can say with confidence that rising above the petty arguments and trying your best to relate to people will leave you most content. i’m done with the anger, the pain, the longing. i’d rather my heart be filled with love and nothing but.